we be breaking up

not really, but my whole attempt to have a real band...not...really...working...out. our synth player is leaving in august to got to grad school in new york. oh well. it's been good playing with him and improvising and such and coming up with new ideas. it has been interesting thus far working with him and collaborating on song-writing aspects and how that fits together with my oversized ego and such, in that it's great when i like his ideas, and not so great when i don't and i wanna change something and there is a bit of tension. i've also been frustrated by his lack of desire to learn any of the 20 or so songs that tommi and i can already play relatively profeciently with regards to performance standards (in front of 10 or so inattentive inebriated people). my main problem i suppose is that while i feel that he is full of lots of wonderful ideas and talent, that his songwriting chops are not as highly tuned or developed/sophisticated as mine, but then again perhaps i am just an arrogant asshole, and it's not like anyone likes any of my songs now anyways? so should i really be opposed to developing a two chord song about going to a party and wearing yr birthday suit? especially when it's catchy and simple and twee and makes me think of the kinda shit college lesbians would listen to inbetween le tigre songs. so i'm fine with the relatively simple chord progression and arrangement of the song, fine with that, i've accepted that. and i was like, dude, write some words. so he writes some words, and they just don't really work for me, cuz i felt a bit retarded singing them. so i take some of his ideas, re-write them and take a bit from something that happened to me like once, and keep the birthday setting, but ditch the birthday suit aspect, cuz it's like totally gay, and i come up with something i can live with. so we try it out and such, and he's like what are singing for that last part? and i'm like, well i changed the chorus refrain to "do u wanna be my boyfriend?" still totally twee, but it's kinda cute and fits the story of the song. and he's like, what happened to "wear yr birthday suit"? and i'm like, well when i rewrote the lyrics, i changed the concept a bit, and it didn't really fit the story. and he's like what story? fuck the story. songs don't need stories. and i'm like oh my fucking god, then what the fuck am i supposed to do, just spout gibberish? i mean, what's the fucking point then? u gave me incomplete thoughts to work with and i'm not gonna holler random ideas and rhymes that sound cutesy. of course i don't say that, i just imply it with my body language, and tommi is like, i don't know, inefficient mediator, or something. so anyway, it all got left at that, but it's like, i didn't even like the song in the first place, last thing i'm gonna do is sing bullshit lyrics about nothing, i mean, c'mon! sure, birthday suits, great concept, whatever, i dunno, showing up to a b-day party naked and la la la, i'm naked, and that's yr present, i'm yr present. totally twee and gay. i can't dig it, not for my band. it's like fine for yr band, go for it, but i don't really even do super happy about nothing songs. i mean maybe if we were a fake japanese joke pop band, but i'm very very serious, for serious, ya know, serious about my art, which nobody pays any attention to. so collaborating, it's awesome. anyway, so i guess i'm like the total bitch here, cuz i just wasn't to hot on the idea, and really trying to not make it a territorial thing, where it's me being territorial cuz i didn't originate or totally write the song, and maybe the song sucks, or i just think it sucks, and can't play anything i like on it, with respect to guitar parts. wherein, i mean that i like what i'm playing, or feel that my playing is anything less than cliched and mundane. i have the same problem with the other song he's brought to the table, i have no direction as to what i'm doing, the song doesn't really have much of a structure, it's just a two part keyboard jam, and i don't know what the fuck i'm doing, and i don't think that what i'm doing sounds good. now in general, i can hear the thing, and i can hear exactly what he's going for with the tune with regards to the bigger picture, and i just feel totally like it isn't coming together and i haven't the parts or direction to make it right, or the right to take it over and reshape and make it into something i would find awesome. but whatever. maybe this how tommi feels with all of my songs?

anyways, for the ever delayed record that ten people or less will have any interest in, i got 23 songs, one is with colin (not one of the two mentioned above), and i'm think 24 would be a good number. stupid thing will be 80 minutes or something, unless members of the committee deem it prudent to cut particular tunes due to my inability to smell or shine a turd. june/july?

we are still looking for a bass player. since february - ZERO interest/response. maybe it's cuz we (i) suck.