van morrison has left the building

van morrison was just here @ the jazz club, but he just left. this is the second time i've seen him come in. he looked thinner this time. still hella bald, tho, haha. he stayed for 1 and a half songs, of which he would have "enjoyed" none, had not my boss lady kim decided to start early.

easiest drum session ever

so today, me and tommi recorded drums for the tune "i got a mental block," which went so well and so quickly! amazing how easy it fucking is when u gots a song already worked out and practiced and even performed and shit! haha. it sounds hot too! i'm gonna redux most of the vocals, cuz they oughtta be a lil' more stonger and insane, so yeah, but tommi was hearing the synth and guitar stuff on it for the first time, (for live, i played the bass part on guitar) and was like, ahhh, this sounds horrible, it's hurts my ears! and i was like, yeah, iz gonna be hot! just wait 'til iz done and mixed with the drums all loud as fuck, haha. it's gonna sound like the acid mothers playing a fuckin' pop song.

as for how hot tommi is as a drummer, we had a tranny chick trying to steal 'em away directly after the show the other night. apparently this kid's project is called Lipstick Conspiracy. it's all good, but mofo's should be a lil' more tactful, they might make a mortal enemy, me being a scorpio and such. anyway, i gotta check them out, see how much talk they are or aren't. either way, upon making their offer again today essentially begging for an audition, tommi was like, yeah right.

website overhaul

ugh, ok, 2 hours later, and the damn site looks a lil' bit cleaner. always a bitch tho, retro-fitting this damn thing. anyway, got rid of unnecessary junk. muah!

parae - live @ edinburgh castle - feb 24th 2006

we're a live band!

we played our first show in over two years last night and it went really really well! i actually thought the first seven songs were pretty flawless, it was only after i monologued for a bit before "jazz" that i think i killed our momentum, and then i started flubbing some words, and that tommi missed couple of drum cues. i think i started over-thinking, getting like, oh we're doing so well, and then of course start fucking up, haha! otherwise, the show started off great, afterall i had had to pee earlier, and i done did it in a urinal next to some other dude, so i figured if i was brave enough to pull that off and not get all pee shy, fuckin' playing a show will be easy! it went by really quick, if only my damn guitar would have been willing to stay in tune. i had it in tune with itself for weeks, but then i bust out the tuner yesterday afternoon, and lo and behold, it's a couple steps down, so i tune it up to standard E tuning, but cuz almost all the strings are relatively new, the fucker kept going out. at least i didn't break a string or anything during the show.

we played ten songs. they were: my self doubt, corporate rock, i hate music, the failed musician, i got a mental block, count the days, ambisexual, jazz, hack, another dead queer boy.

so i thought that was a pretty good set, short and sweet, and only one really old song, though a couple are pretty old to us. but seven of them we hadn't played live previously, so hey!

the other bands were great too. kate bornstein never showed up, but fortunately, due to soundcheck feedback issues, we didn't go on until just after 9:30pm. Dyspecific rocked the house, they have a new guitarist who is really good, and cute, and they were a lot tighter and put on a fun show with a great stage presence, probably something we lack a bit of. WOOD is a drag king classic rock cover band, and they've been together for over five years or so. their drummer was really really good, tommi was very impressed and was like, now i realize what you mean when you said a hot drummer is what makes a band sound awesome or not. as far as their repetoir, my shouts for purple rain did go unheeded, and as far i saw, they didn't play any queen, but otherwise they were pretty fucking solid. my only criticism is, some of the songs were trad-prog-mor tunes that i fucking hate, but their rendition of the who's won't get fooled again was killer. we felt a little green around them at first, and they asked us the horrible question, what kind of music do you guys play, and i was like, uh, um...uh...like indie rock or something, i guess a lil' no wave, if i wanna sound hipster, and they were like, oh, erase errata, that's cool. after we did soundcheck, sarah from dyspecific was like, hey, y'all sound like the fall, and i was like, really, cool!

anyways, we got paid $114 bucks! that was awesome! i was really shocked that so many of our friends came out, y'all rule! after the show, and the tedious load out, my fucking car wouldn't start, cuz i guess having the flashers on for 20 minutes makes it do that, but some angel was walking by right when it happened and saved us, a real sweetheart. after that we went to the store, picked up some liquor and beer for all of our friends partying back at the house, cuz we really owe it to everyone who was willing to plop down five bucks to come to our show, even when there was the risk of us sucking terribly.

the only thing that was a pain in the ass was all the damn crack heads, fucking hell, they be shameless, the first one, who i gave change to, was like, i need a quarter for something to eat. this with her diamond hoop earring dangling, anyways i was like sure, just to get her to go away, and then she's all looking in my wallet to see if i have more change, so i give her 70 cents. then i'm parking the car, and these four dudes are fucking smoking crack in the alleyway, and one is like, all puppy dog, do you have some change man? and he's young and fucking cute, and none of them are street people dirty. fucking hell, the tenderloin, i mean, wtf, no fucking shame! and then while loading out, some guy is like, can i trade you my ripped dollar for change, you can tape it up, and i was like NO man, c'mon! c'mon!

oh yeah, so we got a pictures and video of the show, might even have it all up by later today. fun stuff! we're so multi-media savvy! thanks to andrei and tony for capturing the magic, haha. oh, have jessica is now down to try playing keyboards with us! yay!

our upcoming live show

fucking hell, we're playing live for the first time in just over two years this friday. it's a bit scary, tho i feel that we're pretty ready. really, other than a couple potential missed drum cues, the only fuck ups will probably be my fault, cuz i can't hardly sing worth a good god damn on like half my songs. tho it should probably go alright as long as i'm not too nervous, but i have a bit of anxiety just thinking about it right now. i've never much enjoyed performing, and being that it's just the two of us, me and tommi, there's not really anyone else there to pickup the slack. i mean if all i had to do was just sing, or just play guitar, it'd be a lot easier. it'd also be a lot easier if my dumb songs weren't so retardedly confusing for tommi. oh woe is me. however, save yr pity for my poor roommates and neighbors who have had to tolerate us rehearsing nearly everyday for the past month and a half. as nick said this afternoon, "u guys aren't gonna go play the same songs again, are you?"

on burroughs

i just finished my second burroughs book, actually his 2nd book, i guess, queer. i read naked lunch firsh last month. read the whole last 2/3rds of it just now at work here at the dumb jazz club. it's pretty wild to learn that a lot of these beat kids had something to do with san francisco and the damn bookstore right across the street, city lights, that is. hmm, my thoughts are not very fluid at the moment. oh well. i liked the book. from his writing, i sorta identify with his, uh, well, uh, general malaise, and uh, disappointed lust, or something. uh, ok this should be aborted at this point, i can't even be coherently whatever.

on salvia

so like on friday we all got it in our heads to do salvia, cuz, like we ain't done that before. it was all my fault cuz i was like hey lets go get some nitrous poppers, always a good time and a long standing joke suggestion. except it was just before 10pm, and likely the store was still open, and we were like, ok, lets do it. and then tommi is like, hey they sell salvia there, lets go try that too. tommi is the one who researched and learned about salvia all via tribe.net. anyway, us enterprising folk, we head out to the store, 18th and hartford, to get us some legal drugs.

it was a cracked head demand for doom, most definitely for sure. we'll take a hit of nitrous first and then a bong rip of pot with salvia on top, cuz you gotta burn it hot and smoke it quick, that much bildo knew. the first hit was all around like, yeah, holy shit, i'm fucked up, but oh ok, coming back to normal. everything was transitory for a bit, all shifty like, like i was out of phaze, everything shaky right, bildo been so damn annoying the whole damn time. sorry dude, but i was like, nick, dude, just chill, shut up, don't be the annoying girl. he was totally the annoying girl. more fucked up on the idea of being fucked up on drugs than actually fucked up on them drugs. tho he was pretty fucked up. that 2nd hit had him on the fucking floor crawling in slow-mo or some shit. he was babblingly, it was coherent, but i couldn't be bothered to pay attention. it was all boring whatever he was saying. so i took my nitrous hit, i take my 2nd bong rip of the salvia, it's a bit fucking a harsh, i had to clear it in two inhales. i'm laughing, i'm like whoa, i think at this point i spontaneously hug andre and declare that he is my friend. at this point i must have zoned out or something as andre and tommi do their rounds. i come to the realization, of at least, i come to lucid profoundity, suddenly, i'm as if above my head, i've forgotten myself somewhat, or at least what i can remember and from my surroundings, i am completely horrified. i am above my head, somewhat, i think, or i can see or sense each of our hideous spirits floating in auora above our heads. the malevolent history of this bizzare passageway that makes up our living room. all diagonally, claustrophobic, suddenly, i'm like, what the fuck is this? this is my life? i see myself, and i'm trying to remember what it's like to be normal, cuz i'm panicking at the retardation of my life, how stupid my jobs are, who this is who it is to be me. and i'm trying to not panic, remember, that i'm just fucked up, but i'm tripping balls. all of like, i can see is some stupid game of which our spirits inhabit bodies or some shit, and i am failing miserably. i feel no connection to those i am with, at all, none whatsoever. instinctually, perhaps, i realize now that i must escape, at the very least this room. i want to run out to the street, but that's not safe enough. i turn my head to the right briskly, looking toward the stared up to my bedroom, looking for an escape route. sharp pain cuts through my brain, i turned to fast, some important part of me ripped in the process. i feel cerebral pain for sometime after. by this point i have risen to my feet, somehow the other must have realized something was amiss, inbetween tommi's proclaimations of being the carribean ocean. i run, well, more like walk quickly, out to the back patio. andre comes and meets me, and as he smokes a cigarette talks me down. it is better outside, i'm not cold, though it is cold, he tells me that yes, we are tripping balls, as if we just took five hits of acid, it's gonna mellow out, we talk about how i haven't really tripped that much before, and not enjoyed mushrooms particularily. bless him, a little angel. he seemed the least phased out of the four of us, but i reckon it was more in line with his habits of not expressing himself. either that or was just not paying attention. i do some more nitrous hits, but it just isn't as fun, kinda hurts my brain a lil' bit. andre crashes first, he has to work early as fuck, i give up 2nd, cuz i have to work a bit later at 10am. i wait for tommi to come up, but eventually pass out. i wake up at 3am and starting freaking out inside my head, so i go downstairs to find tommi passed out on the couch. after much labor, i am able to successfully rouse him up to the bed, where with him present, i feel safe enough to resume sleep.

i almost get into two car crashes within two blocks of my work that morning. so fucking out of it the whole day at work. whatever. so fucking out of it all day. cool kid at my work smokes me out and we drink a couple beers inbetween halfassed cleaning of some fucked up old chairs. it's chill. cool kid is more and more cute, tho i think he laughs at me behind my back. he's hard to read, he's a serious stoner. later that night tommi and i end up making an appearance at a party that has already ended but are offered the last two magic cupcakes. later that night i awake at 3am (again!) and start tripping balls in my fucking head again, all aaaccckk! like and shit. i also have the worst cotten-mouth ever, as did tommi, after what seems like an hour or so i fall back asleep after putting some mellower stereolab tunes.

the visual impression in my mind of spirit auros, hideous as they were, floating above our heads in that which is our living room, that i remember most vividly. not that i forgot anything. i think.