documenting the atrocities - nocturnal edition
i've been sick all week. horrible feverish, snot sneezingly wretched sick. it has sucked. i got home last night with a plan, a plan to sleep a full 8 hours before having to go to my dumb job #1 again. alas, i was thrawted by my evil roommates.
i arrived home from the jazz club to find daniel playing final fantasy, as he lately tends to do late at night or early in the morning. he informed me that my roommates and boyfriend, as i much suspected, had gone off to stupid delirium to get piss drunk and pretend they are cool. neat. maybe they are super rad in that environment, i dunno. anyways, i hate that fucking bar. never do i have a desire to go to straight breeding grounds, it's so boring.
i go to sleep. at 3am-ish, i am awoke by the horrible bright light of my room and my drunken boyfriend trying to do something, perhaps undress. turn off the fucking light, i cry out, ahh, why must the light be on, all the way even, ahhh this sucks. he say it smells like sickness in the room, he's gonna open a window, i'm like, NOOOO! we'll freeze, that will suck, just open the bathroom door to get some air flow. oh the drunkness, it seems to take an eternity for him to accomplish whatever task he is intent on accomplishing and find comfort in bed. somehow i fall back asleep.
BOOM. what the fuck. oh grand, bildo and the lil' russian are still up. and they are doing something that goes BOOM. lame. i crawl out of bed, i go to the stairwell, they are playing loud derivative punk blurpiness type music. it's 3:30 or later, i dunno. i holla at them, quiet the fuck down, god damn, what the fuck guys! lil' russian holla's back, 1 2 3 go back to sleep. and i'm like, 1 2 3 quiet the fuck down, i'm trying to fucking sleep. these kids know better. i crawl back to bed. i figure stephanie, the poor girl that lives downstairs, whose bedroom is below our living room must not be home, thank goodness for her, as this is some bullshit.
at some point i hear some more booms and general loudness, but i'm able to sleep thru it, but then my fucking cell phone rings, and it's stephanie. ah fuck. well i don't answer, cuz i don't wanna talk to her, i'm trying to fucking sleep, ugh, she can call them, the cause of the trouble, she should have their numbers, right...i think.
somehow i manage to fall back asleep again after another general eternity of restlessness and pissed-offed-ness at the severe crime of even being awakened in the first place. then it happens. KA-BOOM! the whole god damn house fucking shudders and rumbles. WHAT THE FUCK?! seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?! oh god damnit, my fucking phone is ringing again, shit, it's stephanie, FUCKING HELL. i don't answer, cuz i still don't wanna talk to her, but after about 30 seconds i realize that i gotta go down and deal with this fucking lame situation.
i charge down the stairs. i shut off the music. there they are standing in the kitchen, all smiles! hey eriq, bildo done says, what's going on? you still sick? he's smirking at me. he looks like our grand president when he smirks at me. it is so unattractive. the lil' russian is obviously trashed out of his fucking mind, he's got his mindless zombie shuffle going on, his eyes all red and glazed over.
what the fuck are you guys doing? c'mon, what the fuck? you are fucking disrespecting your roommates, you're disrespecting yr neighbors, and yr disrespecting the girls downstairs! what the fuck?
and of course, it's all like, what? what did we do? no one ever came and complained earlier? they are so drunk that they don't even remember me hollering at them an hour earlier. so i'm yelling at them, they're pretending they're innocent, and i'm like, no no no no no, i'm sick, i'm trying to sleep, stephanie has called me twice. and then, stephanie comes up from the back, and is like, what is going on, like this is lame, what the hell, and lil' russian, in the most misogynistic tone of voice possible says to her, we're handling the situation, we're taking care of it, and totally just fucking dismisses her. it is shocking. so fucking disrespectful the way he speaks to her. and i'm like, no, what the fuck guys, there is no reason why she should have come up here at 5 in the fucking morning to ask you guys to be quite, it is totally fucked up for you even to put her in that situation, and it pisses me off that i have to be yr guy's fucking mother right now, but yr acting like fucking little children, and it is totally fucking lame. now i like living with you guys, and yr cool roommates, and it's awesome that you don't have to work tomorrow and that you wanna party all night, but YOU CAN NOT DO IT HERE!
and with that i'm done, and i'm like, so shut the fuck up, the party is fucking over, i'm fucking going to sleep. and lil' russian being the argumentative little punk that he gets off on occasionally being tries to get a word in edgewise, and as i'm walking up the stairs, against bildo's insistence of no dude don't say it, he trys to bust out a why don't you come say it to my face like a man, and i'm cuz yr not one, yr acting like a fucking child. and with that, i'm fucking done with them.
so in the morning i arrise to find the house a complete dump and daniel playing final fantasy again. i ask how much he witnessed and how late he was kept up. he said he went to bed when they started biting into raw unpeeled onions. i called stephanie later on and left her a message apologizing on my part for not shutting them the fuck up sooner. pretty much at this point, while i've occasionally threatened to move out and even made the comment last night during my diatribe, i've now come to conclusion that if this kind of bullshit continues, i won't be the one moving out, they will, cuz i like where i live.
and the house better be fucking immaculate when i get home from work tonight.
i arrived home from the jazz club to find daniel playing final fantasy, as he lately tends to do late at night or early in the morning. he informed me that my roommates and boyfriend, as i much suspected, had gone off to stupid delirium to get piss drunk and pretend they are cool. neat. maybe they are super rad in that environment, i dunno. anyways, i hate that fucking bar. never do i have a desire to go to straight breeding grounds, it's so boring.
i go to sleep. at 3am-ish, i am awoke by the horrible bright light of my room and my drunken boyfriend trying to do something, perhaps undress. turn off the fucking light, i cry out, ahh, why must the light be on, all the way even, ahhh this sucks. he say it smells like sickness in the room, he's gonna open a window, i'm like, NOOOO! we'll freeze, that will suck, just open the bathroom door to get some air flow. oh the drunkness, it seems to take an eternity for him to accomplish whatever task he is intent on accomplishing and find comfort in bed. somehow i fall back asleep.
BOOM. what the fuck. oh grand, bildo and the lil' russian are still up. and they are doing something that goes BOOM. lame. i crawl out of bed, i go to the stairwell, they are playing loud derivative punk blurpiness type music. it's 3:30 or later, i dunno. i holla at them, quiet the fuck down, god damn, what the fuck guys! lil' russian holla's back, 1 2 3 go back to sleep. and i'm like, 1 2 3 quiet the fuck down, i'm trying to fucking sleep. these kids know better. i crawl back to bed. i figure stephanie, the poor girl that lives downstairs, whose bedroom is below our living room must not be home, thank goodness for her, as this is some bullshit.
at some point i hear some more booms and general loudness, but i'm able to sleep thru it, but then my fucking cell phone rings, and it's stephanie. ah fuck. well i don't answer, cuz i don't wanna talk to her, i'm trying to fucking sleep, ugh, she can call them, the cause of the trouble, she should have their numbers, right...i think.
somehow i manage to fall back asleep again after another general eternity of restlessness and pissed-offed-ness at the severe crime of even being awakened in the first place. then it happens. KA-BOOM! the whole god damn house fucking shudders and rumbles. WHAT THE FUCK?! seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?! oh god damnit, my fucking phone is ringing again, shit, it's stephanie, FUCKING HELL. i don't answer, cuz i still don't wanna talk to her, but after about 30 seconds i realize that i gotta go down and deal with this fucking lame situation.
i charge down the stairs. i shut off the music. there they are standing in the kitchen, all smiles! hey eriq, bildo done says, what's going on? you still sick? he's smirking at me. he looks like our grand president when he smirks at me. it is so unattractive. the lil' russian is obviously trashed out of his fucking mind, he's got his mindless zombie shuffle going on, his eyes all red and glazed over.
what the fuck are you guys doing? c'mon, what the fuck? you are fucking disrespecting your roommates, you're disrespecting yr neighbors, and yr disrespecting the girls downstairs! what the fuck?
and of course, it's all like, what? what did we do? no one ever came and complained earlier? they are so drunk that they don't even remember me hollering at them an hour earlier. so i'm yelling at them, they're pretending they're innocent, and i'm like, no no no no no, i'm sick, i'm trying to sleep, stephanie has called me twice. and then, stephanie comes up from the back, and is like, what is going on, like this is lame, what the hell, and lil' russian, in the most misogynistic tone of voice possible says to her, we're handling the situation, we're taking care of it, and totally just fucking dismisses her. it is shocking. so fucking disrespectful the way he speaks to her. and i'm like, no, what the fuck guys, there is no reason why she should have come up here at 5 in the fucking morning to ask you guys to be quite, it is totally fucked up for you even to put her in that situation, and it pisses me off that i have to be yr guy's fucking mother right now, but yr acting like fucking little children, and it is totally fucking lame. now i like living with you guys, and yr cool roommates, and it's awesome that you don't have to work tomorrow and that you wanna party all night, but YOU CAN NOT DO IT HERE!
and with that i'm done, and i'm like, so shut the fuck up, the party is fucking over, i'm fucking going to sleep. and lil' russian being the argumentative little punk that he gets off on occasionally being tries to get a word in edgewise, and as i'm walking up the stairs, against bildo's insistence of no dude don't say it, he trys to bust out a why don't you come say it to my face like a man, and i'm cuz yr not one, yr acting like a fucking child. and with that, i'm fucking done with them.
so in the morning i arrise to find the house a complete dump and daniel playing final fantasy again. i ask how much he witnessed and how late he was kept up. he said he went to bed when they started biting into raw unpeeled onions. i called stephanie later on and left her a message apologizing on my part for not shutting them the fuck up sooner. pretty much at this point, while i've occasionally threatened to move out and even made the comment last night during my diatribe, i've now come to conclusion that if this kind of bullshit continues, i won't be the one moving out, they will, cuz i like where i live.
and the house better be fucking immaculate when i get home from work tonight.
posted by eriq at 4:59 PM
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